214530

Joke of the Day

"You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If ""mom"" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*"

"DAEEM GURRL . . . you must be suicidal thoughts, cause you've been running through my mind all day. - Jim Hamilton"

"Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of tippex.. ...I woke this morning with a huge correction."

"For mother day my mom is going to get the same as always disappointment :("

"Did you hear about the band Kansas getting arrested for kidnapping at the airport? They tried to carry-on my wayward son."

"As a quiet and skinny person, I feel like we should charge loud and fat people more to ride the subway. It won't be difficult to implement either. All we would need to do is charge them by volume."

"Why people don't offer chair to Sean Connery when he comes? Because he shits on it."

"You say kidnapping. I say surprise adoption. Tomato, Tomahto Get in the van."

"You know what's odd? Numbers not divisible by 2."

"'1 Gingerbread man please' Sorry, they are soul out."