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Joke of the Day

"Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half."

"Did you hear about the shooting with the starting pistol? It was race related"

"Why doesn't the Easter Bunny make noise when he has sex? Because he has Cottonballs"

"I come from a family of failed magicians I have 2 half sisters"

"I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time. I was shocked."

"Snail 1: Are you male or female? Snail 2: Yes Snail 1: Me too! [they kiss passionately]"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? ""See you next month!"""

"Donald Trump was born a year after Hitler died. I now believe in reincarnation."

"Why do Scots fuck sheep at the edge of a cliff? Because they push back harder."

"I don't get why everyone talks so fast in old movies. What was the hurry? There was nothing to do back then."