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Joke of the Day
"Saw a tweet about foods to help your sex life. I need sex to help my sex life, not food."
Next Joke
"You shouldn't tell vegans to suck a dick. Semen is an animal product."
"I like my women like I like my coffee Hot and all over my pants."
"I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it."
"How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night? Take away their beds..."
"My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale... I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest."
"Doctor in lab coat peers into microscope. ""Good Lord!"" he says. ""His burrito levels are off the charts!"" - from my autopsy"
"I don't mean to brag but I just beat my 5-year-old ten times in a row at air hockey. He sucks."
"Someday you'll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box."
"How do you know the passengers of the missing plane are alive? A new season of lost is out now!"