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Joke of the Day
"How do you kiss a girl on valentines day? You use tulips."
Next Joke
"According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1."
"You: ""Nice glasses."" Me: ""Thanks. They'd look better on your nightstand."""
"Some of you I'd like to take under my wing like a mother hen. Others of you I'd like to trap between my thighs like the Cougar that I am."
"What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality."
"You're ""gluten free?"" How nice. I'm mostly ""money free"" so I can't be so fuckin' picky."
"Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac with tourettes? He was up all last night wondering if there is a cunt."
"What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down into a tire and call it a good year."
"Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds."
"I would vote for Trump if I could because I've never seen a president get assassinated"