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Joke of the Day
"I'm allergic to Everclear. It makes me break out.. Into handcuffs."
Next Joke
"Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid. I was petrified."
"Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males"
"What's the smartest cookie? Academia nut"
"Arteries have a special place in my heart"
"Did anyone see the transit of Venus? If so, was it a white one?"
"Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)"
"Facebook: losing friends. Twitter: gaining friends Instagram: gaining weight"
"CHECK OUT BUZZFEED'S TOP 10 LIST OF GODS FOR ATHEISTS. YOU WON'T BELIEVE NUMBER 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, OR 10."
"[courtroom] Timothy: I was not involved Victor: Nor was I Lawyer: You could say it was a Vic-, Tim-less cri- Judge: You're all going to jail"