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Joke of the Day

"Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No."

"There are so many uses for toilet paper rolls... but you have to go through a lot of shit to use them."

"A man asks his dog, ""Can you speak English?"" The dog replies, ""Por supuesto que puedo hombre no tonta, soy un perro!"""

"What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common? They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks."

"How did the feminist die? Alone"

"what's cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he's still a genuinely detestable person"

"If I reach 700 followers, I'm gonna tweet naked for the next hour. Won't do much for you guys, but it'll certainly liven up Starbucks."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"I used to play teeball... I stopped playing after I struck out"

"After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down."