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Joke of the Day

"Hey girl are you soy sauce because you always ""no MSG"" me back"

"What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied? Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!"

"README.TXT Thank you for reading me. (I actually came across this once...)"

"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"

"I've accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body."

"No, of course I'm not mad. It's fine. *goes home, starts building a Death Star."

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"It's so easy to kick a midgets ass All you have to do is raise your foot barely off the ground."

"What do you call someone who takes everything literally? A kleptomaniac!"

"A man came to my door and asked if I would make a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water."