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Joke of the Day

"The other day, an ex girlfriend of mine was hit by a bus near my house And I thought to myself ""that could've been me"" Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus"

"""Crap, I gotta get up and undressed for work."" - strippers"

"ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours"

"I laughed at Yoda for hiding in a swamp Then again, he's the only Jedi to ever die from old age Maybe he knew what he was doing after all."

"An excerpt from my self help book, ""How to Get Rich Quick"" Chapter 1: Write a self help book about how to get rich quick The End"

"Just yelled ""F, YOU GUYS!"" to my students. Another perk of being a music teacher..."

"My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!"

"Employer: ""In this job we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want. On my last job every time anything went wrong they said I was responsible."""

"I've done some pretty stupid things while I've been drunk, but in alcohol's defense, I've done a lot of pretty stupid things sober, too."

"How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house? When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway."