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Joke of the Day

"I was just casually strolling down the street... and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was. Then it hit me."

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"[NSFW] What's black and blue and hates sex? The little boy in my trunk."
"Russia's Three Steps to Homework Step 1. Putin it off Step 2. Stalin Step 3. Russian to finish"
"A Rabbit's foot is considered good luck! A Camel's toe should be considered really good luck!!"
"If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will."
"Have you guys ever heard of the restaurant Five Guys? Because your girlfriend always like to go there for ""burgers."""
"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies"
"911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND"
"What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts? Abstinence."
"I bought a new boomerang... and went damn near crazy trying to throw the old one away!"