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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] What's black and blue and hates sex? The little boy in my trunk."

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"Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda"
"What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard? We're Snowden!"
"Hey lady I have bad news for you someone thought your hair was noodles and left their chopsticks in it."
"Rabbits in a row. What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A receding hare line."
"Why does Paris have the best theaters? The audience is always dead quiet.... Looks like i'm going to hell."
"Michigan is the First State to Welcome Back Sub-$1 Gas Just flip on your water faucet and you'll get it for free"
"If storks deliver white babies and blackbirds deliver black babies, what bird delivers no babies? Swallows."
"A comedian, a rapist, and the President of the United States are in an elevator .. and then Barack says to the other guy ""Always liked you most in The Cosby Show""."
"Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon."