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Joke of the Day

"What is the Mexicans favorite credit card company? Capital Juan"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name Which really hurt since I was home-schooled"

"I like my coffee like I like my minorities... ... I don't."

"In retrospect, back in my club days I should have recognized there was a reason the beat always sounded like DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE."

"What do you call an Irish guy who can't keep off the weight? McFatagain! I'm sorry."

"Women aren't that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve."

"What did the socialist use before candles? Electricity."

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."