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Joke of the Day

"Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis."

"I've just been to a concert starring the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"Baloney, baloney, baloney... salami."

"What's a redneck family reunion called? (NSFW) pump-kin"

"Why did the mathematician get pulled over? for drinking and deriving"

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."

"I hope one day to have the chance to whisper ""what's she doing here?"" to the person next to me at a funeral."

"Do you that thing about German people? There Himmel ist blau."

"I leaked a sex tape of myself 3 months ago. It has 14 hits! Those hits are from me checking to see how many hits it has."

"I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym earlier I've decided I'm never going again."