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Joke of the Day

"I hope one day to have the chance to whisper ""what's she doing here?"" to the person next to me at a funeral."

"What do you call a black political figure? A *coon*gressman"

"I almost got raped in jail one time. I tell you, my family takes Monopoly way too seriously."

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take -Jenny Mccarthy"

"Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful."

"Vicodin and Scotch. When you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set."

"A dung beetle walks into a bar ""Is this stool taken?"""

"My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again."

"While standing in the queue looking at my phone... I'm online online"

"What kind of root is only easy to find on paper? *A square one.*"