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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to run errands, need anything? ""Yes, some new light bulbs"" Why, our current bulbs are too heavy? ""And a good divorce lawyer"""

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee... Free"

"I'd love a video montage of every single time I've walked into a room and forgotten why I'm in there."

"When life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."

"BARBER: would you like a hot towel? ME: buddy, I don't objectify towels"

"At some point during texting, a text is sent that means: ""This is the end of the conversation. I'm gonna do something interesting now."""

"Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell them from flamingos !"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Him? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if you crushed his spirit by telling him how worthless he was and deprived him of a good education?"

"How do narcissists remember everything? ...They have a photogenic memory."