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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a hooker with diarrhea? You shuck the oyster between fits."

"Shaking hands is so weird: ""Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."""

"I finally talked to my crush today I told her that she smells different when she's awake"

"So evidently the kid who stabbed all the people at his highschool today was always told he would be famous. He felt like today was the day to take a stab at it."

"Oxygen and Potassium went on a date it went OK"

"/r/Jokes won't get this an actual funny joke"

"Having sex is like riding a bike. Specifically, like that scene in Pee-wee's Big Adventure where everyone in the world has a bike except you"

"Have you ever noticed women say men only have one thing on their mind? Yet women constantly ask us what we're thinking."

"What's the hardest part of a gardener's job? Getting to the root of the problem."

"6: I'm going outside to play. Me: Stay in your own yard. 6: Define ""my own yard"" Me: .... have fun. So her mother's child."