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Joke of the Day

"So evidently the kid who stabbed all the people at his highschool today was always told he would be famous. He felt like today was the day to take a stab at it."

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"Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn't drink you back. It doesn't make sense."
"(Translated from my mother tongue) What does a man do when he wants to end a marriage passively? He tries finding the expiration date on the marriage cirtifficate"
"What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?"
"Everyday I walk to work by a Ferrari dealership, put my nose against the etched glass window and say, ""someday I'll own a window this nice."""
"""Daddy, I want to watch Dora."" Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets"
"One day Joaquin Phoenix will be bitten by a zombie... ...and he will be called the Joaquin Dead"
"I always had the worst luck when I went fishing... Until I caught a Flounder Yesterday. My dad said it was a Fluke"
"Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big...NSFW Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big dick? *when the person says: 'no what'* I do"
"The primary function of a necktie is to show the direction of a man's brain."
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