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Joke of the Day

"I have no regrets. By which I mean I regret not saying no more often."

"""We like our beer the way we like our violence..."" ""Domestic"" -Stolen from a part of a Bill Burr skit. It apparently upset some easily offended people when they saw it at a bar"

"Roses are Dead, Violets are Dead I am a bad gardener"

"What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$? Yeah."

"Does WebMD ever just say ""you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you, go play outside you drama queen?"""

"*hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*"

"My friend told me he really dislikes ""All Star"" by Smashmouth. I said: ""Hey now..."""

"What is your favourite variable? I'm not sure, It's always changing."

"My girl broke up with me, thinks I am childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and ran away..HA!"

"I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice.... but he's having Nunavut."