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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by mixing up my sub order at subway. Whoops, wrong sub."

"My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally."

"It's gonna be a long day. I can wait to get home and curl up with a good Internet."

"Someone told me that you look like an owl."

"If my dog could talk he'd say ""You hang up first..."""

"Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has to eat enough to feed a family of 4 every day. He has to! I just do it because I feel like it."

"Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12."

"2 peanuts were walking down a dark alley one was assaulted"

"I was asked to leave the PTA because they don't consider what I do parenting."

"On a scale of 3 to orange, How octupus is your jam sandwitch?"