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Joke of the Day

"[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on"

"What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn? Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave."

"My Welsh mate was found dead yesterday. He died the way he would have wanted to go... He passed away peacefully in his sheep"

"I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well."

"Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am"

"A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober."

"Oh heres a good joke my life"

"What did the terrorist's ghost say? BOOM!"

"I decided to rob a blood bank They caught me red-handed."

"Banks are like girlfriends... ...they just want all your money."