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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend has this weird fetish Where she dresses up like herself, and acts like a total bitch"

"Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn't know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes."

"(-i)^2=-1. Moral: If you fiddle with imaginary problems too much, shit's gonna get real."

"I may be dating myself here, but the restaurant doesn't mind my intricate placement of mirrors that fool me into believing I'm not alone."

"Have you ever had sex while camping? It's fucking intense."

"How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!"

"How much does the Holocaust?"

"Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat? Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. ....Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge."

"What's the difference between USB and USA? One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data."

"Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick."