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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt can finish a race."

"Why was 11 afraid of 12? Because 12 13 14!!!!! GET IT?!?!??! source: some comment on reddit I read like 6 months ago"

"I said, should we go to my place? She said, ""Come to my house tomorrow, no ones gonna be home. "" I went to her house. No one was there."

"[Wedding] ""...to join these two in holy matrimony. The Ring, please?"" [Maid of Honor pops tape in VCR.] [One week later: everyone dies.]"

"When does a non-believer become a dirty kafir infidel? When he leaves the room."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick! :-D"

"The President of the United States, the Prime Minister of England, and the King of Thailand walk into a bar in Bangkok and the bartender says ""May I get you and your guests drinks, Your Majesty?"""

"What's a horse's number one priority when voting? A stable economy..."

"peanut Little Sally: Mommy, Mommy, Little Frankie showed me his penis on the playground! It reminded me of a peanut! Mommy (startled): Oh! Was it really small? Little Sally: No, it was salty!"

"I like how when you pull down on a paper towel dispenser you either get half a paper towel or half the roll."