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Joke of the Day

"My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory. Why didn't I think of that?"

"I hope all the friends I've made in the bathroom at 1am are still SO pretty and everything worked out with that boy they were drunk texting"

"I Wish I was a Wal Mart Truck Driver... Because I missed Tracy Morgan on Saturday."

"Guns don't kill people People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people"

"Astronaut: wtf is this NASA: it's space food A: I specifically asked for only Milky Way bars N: look we get it but- A: no no I'm coming down"

"A snake walks in to a bar... Barman says ""you can't do that""!"

"What did the Italian man who was feeling under the weather say when asked if he was attending the office Christmas party? No, I'm a Sikh."

"Republicans didn't protest when Obama was elected... Because they had to go to work."

"if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out ""in west Philadelphia born & raised"" then u got like 2 min to run"

"A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says.. ""Make me one with everything"""