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Joke of the Day

"A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: ""Wife wanted"". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine."""

"If you're going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty."

"The United States government."

"How many new states will America get when Trump is elected? One. Denial."

"Why does santa say ho ho ho? Because three hos are better than one!"

"[infomercial] ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?! AUDIENCE: YES! *a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*"

"Did you guys hear about the CEO of Reddit? I heard he's a great guy."

"My first time watching the women's Olympic vollyball last night, one minute in there was already a wrist injury. I'm better today though, no worries."

"Thursday is that guy who shows up early for the party, with margarita mix and no booze."

"Do they have a shitty attitude because they work for minimum wage, or work for minimum wage because they have a shitty attitude?"