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Joke of the Day

"Being an adult means never having to show your work on a math problem. It's as awesome as it sounds, kids."

"Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat."

"I forgot to turn my SWAG off before I went to bed. I woke up poor and working at McDonald's."

"Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!"

"Groundhog Day The Groundhog saw dead people, so we're due six more weeks of creepy Nationwide Commercials..."

"grandpa: ur father changed after the war me: somtimes emojis i never use appear in my frequently used page and i dont kno how they got there"

"If I make you breakfast in bed, all I need is a simple thank you Not all this ""how the hell did you get in my house"" and ""I'm calling the cops"" business"

"Turtle to turtle: ""Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"""

"""Can I shit here?"" ---- Sean Connery trying to make friends at the park but making enemies inshtead."

"4 different views of a tunnel PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks."