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Joke of the Day

"How did I escape Iraq? Iran."

"Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?"

"Why did the man name his daughter Candy? She was the sweetest mistake he ever made."

"I like long walks along the beach until the drugs wear off & I realize I'm actually crawling through the sand at the local construction site"

"[school teacher job interview] Can I ask you some questions? I don't know CAN you? haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!"

"Kim Kardashian's starts a new political party, and names it Popular Back"

"My wife thinks I have a gambling habit. She hasn't said anything, but I can bet that's what she is thinking."

"The Cherokee Indians are overrated. Sure, they had an advanced writing system, but Indians from Florida produced more Seminole works. ...I'll show myself out."

"I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box."

"Only sometimes do I use semicolons in my writing; I don't want to sound like a *complete* asshole. edit: grammar. Thanks, /u/jwfiredragon"