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Joke of the Day

"If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check."

"If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons."

"Haiku of the week ""James, you have Tourette's."" ""I'm afraid there is no cure."" ""Fuck! Shit! Cunt!"" said James."

"Do you know about the group of hipster sheep? Never mind, you haven't herd of them."

"I often chastise my conservative grandpa for stereotyping black people.. I mean how rude it is to pick on jobless people raised by single mothers..."

"Girls are like dead babies... There's several in my basement"

"Why is it so hard to learn the C programming language? It has no class."

"My dog jumped in the washing machine yesterday. Don't worry, at least he died in comfort."

"How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb? .....change??"

"Time to get in my wheel box to go to my work box so I can pay for my home box until I'm ready for my death box."