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Joke of the Day

"MOSES: Cool thinkpiece GOD: It's a list of commandments. Not everything is a thinkpiece! Jesus Christ MOSES: Who? GOD: Oops, sorry. Spoilers"

"Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None - because they were all redskins."

"You know you're in a seedy part of town when you ask the waitress for coke and she says ""is meth ok?"""

"Dyslexic, but I have a cunning stunt."

"If you use a meat tenderizer to repeatedly hit a backless bar chair does it become a stool softener? Probably."

"My sex life is like a penguin, I don't have a penguin."

"I can't wait to find out what new undeleteable apps that I don't want will be on the new iPhone."

"I tried to be a pornstar But apparently that type of content breaks Terms of Service on Vine"

"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."

"What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'? Having a threesome with Dwayne Johnson"