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Joke of the Day

"all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it's gone"

"No child donuts left behind."

"What's a vampire's favorite dance? The Fang Tango."

"my cousin jeff died today. sent flowers to the family with a little card saying ""jeff is dead"" so they know what the flowers are for"

"1997: Skynet becomes self-aware 2029: T-1s are sent to kill Sarah Connor 2034: Warranty expires on T-1s. 99% of them break down within hours"

"My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal. I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job."

"What do you call a stable poop? Sturdy."

"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."

"It feels like Obama's been on tour longer than The Rolling Stones."

"[office] BUSINESS SNAKE: [dictating a letter] SECRETARY: [just hammering the S key]"