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Joke of the Day

"""Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!"" - The Very Civil War"

"Which is the most silky planet? Satin!"

"What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common? Bad blood."

"I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries"

"Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing? In case he got a hole-in-one!"

"This guy told me he got a puppy for his wife... ...wish I could make a trade like that!"

"The funny thing about fast food is, that it slows down the people who eat it."

"What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon? The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from [yesterday's SMBC](http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3180)."

"Why did the manic depressive cross the freeway? To get to the *other side*"

"Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn't sell air."