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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work."

"A cat and a rooster sat by a lake... Suddenly, the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Moral of the story : When there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock."

"[Bunch of 6 year olds knock on my door] ""TRICK OR TREAT!"" You kids are in for a real treat... *slips each of them a copy of my demo tape*"

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"Why did the lollipop cross the road? ... Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed."

"I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease."

"Always bring a rogue with you when you go to Thailand They're good at detecting traps"

"Being in middle management is like being a toilet seat... Look up and you see a bunch of arseholes, look down and all you see are shits."

"What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? My erection."

"Have you seen the Australian version of Breaking bad? He get's cancer and Medicare covers his costs and the series ends."