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Joke of the Day

"Him: ""I feel-"" Me: ""I FEEL IT TOO. IT'S JUST LIKE PHOEBE SAID. YOU'RE MY LOBSTER."" Him: ""-gassy."""

"Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*"

"Why do black people hate country music? When they hear the word ""hoedown"" they think their sister got shot."

"When Piaget studies children he becomes a well known name. When I study children I get escorted out of my local park."

"The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, ""I don't think it's working"""

"<-----Will never confess the actual number of house cats he's forced outdoors when the owner wasn't looking"

"The number of things that are *not* rocket science is staggering."

"I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, ""Keep Frozen."""

"I wish I was as committed to anything the way infomercial actors are committed to over dramatizing their reaction to household chores."

"Just finished the first chapter of this novel. Tons of characters with the same name and really hard to follow. Sir, that's a phone book."