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Joke of the Day
"Joke 1 - What weighs 15,000 pounds and wears glass slippers? Cinderellephant"
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"A great white shark is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score."
"...I wanted to design defensive structures for the city.... as it turns out, not my Forte."
"[if trump wins somehow] alien: ""i said take me to your leader"" me: ""dude i swear this is him"""
"Calling your girlfriend dumbledore cz she is the real head master"
"I'm just going to put an ""Out of Order"" sticker on my forehead and call it a day."
"When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like."
"Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: ""I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp"" vs ""I cashier at KFC"""
"Why do people always talk in absolutes? I would never do that. It's the worst."
"At School: What Does It Give You? ""Kids, what does the chicken give you?"" ""Meat!"" ""Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"" ""Bacon!"" ""Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"" ""Homework!"""