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Joke of the Day

"I try to tell good jokes... ...but I always punch up the fuck line."

"You know what's the saddest part of North Korea getting hacked? It won't get to see this."

"A duck fell into the sewer system the other day... It was pretty fowl-smelling."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget."

"Pretending to hold the elevator while secretly pressing ""close door"" is an art."

"People who say ""in and of itself"" are responsible for most of the trouble in the world."

"What's it called when you look in the mirror and say ""jesus christ I look good""? Using the lords name in vanity"

"David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared for a nuclear attack from North Korea. Dave mate, normally we aren't prepared for snow at winter."

"Why does Donald Trump close his eyes during sex? So he can imagine he's masturbating."

"Gas is $4 a gallon and girls still think we're coming over to just ""chill."""