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Joke of the Day

"*takes selfie, sends to wife* Wife: ""No."" *takes pants off* *tries on another pair in The Gap change room* *takes selfie, sends to wife*"

"My 'Mom Voice' was so loud even the neighbors washed their hands and cleaned their rooms."

"Trying to grab something out of my minivan while the automatic door is closing is the most Indiana Jones-y part of my day."

"What's 50 Cents name in Zimbabwe? 400 million."

"It's funny how you can do nice things for people all the time and they never notice. But, once you make one mistake, it's never forgotten."

"How did the Jamaican meteorologist report the risk of flash flooding? ""Mon, soon."""

"*Brings Oreos to a Christmas cookie exchange*"

"What do you bury a Jewish metalhead in? A Moshe pit!"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Funeral Home Barbie ...complete with hearse coffin and kicky little shroud"

"What do you use to cover a herpetarium floor? Reptiles."