211077

Joke of the Day

"""Damn girl, you look hot"" Really? ""Like a sexy little italian car"" DID YOU JUST CALL ME FIAT?!?"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? you can't fuck a rock"

"Want to hear a joke? It's called my life"

"As I get older and continue to meet new people... I realize that swallowing should be more of a thing."

"Why don't black people get sunburns? Prisons are indoors. *(sorry black redditors)*"

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old. -I saw this on twitter today and laughed, so I thought I would share."

"My dad told me most huge mistakes take only 5 seconds to occur And there I was 9 months later"

"Why did the knife quit? It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! ~Skip"

"[getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie"

"""Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school."" ""Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"""