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Joke of the Day

"Why does the average person all the sudden become a tomato juice drinking weirdo on an airplane?"

"What's the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted mathematician? The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you."

"The longest relationship I've had is with my first vibrator. We were together 7 years. Off and on."

"Clean sheet day!! *brushes Pringles crumbs over to his side of the bed*"

"Why was the cow's house empty? She was moo-ving"

"Sir, on a scale, How much do you weigh?"

"Twitter is the only place where black people can follow me,and not get nervous about it"

"I only enter names and numbers into my contacts so I can see who I'm ignoring when they call."

"A blind man walks into a bar... And a table. And a chair."

"What's Sam Smith's favorite type of nut? [It's an alllllllllmond](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB63ztKnGvo&feature=youtu.be&t=37s)"