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Joke of the Day

"A good diet is follow me around the grocery store and don't buy anything I get."

"""slippery when wet"" signs should be on everything."

"Have I ever taught you South american Judo? Judo know if I have a knife, Judo know if I got a gun."

"Beethoven was such a hipster... ... that he never even heard some of his own music."

"What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite sex position? FUCKING RAAAWWW!!!"

"I used to have some jokes concerning noble gasses... but they're argon."

"You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles."

"Why did the man tell his mom to get him out of prison? She had gotten him out of a tight spot before."

"Whats the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? Having to drop the bomb on them twice before they get it."

"[high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life"