191235

Joke of the Day

"What is white and disturbs your lunch? An avalanche"

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!"

"My doctor said I shouldn't hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one."

"If there are degrees of asshole, I'm the pressing the crosswalk button even after watching you do it because maybe you did it wrong kind."

"You know what's fun to do in Ohio? ... Pack up and get the fuck out."

"GF: I'm leaving with the kids if you don't stop pretending our house is a hospital ME: That'll be great, we really need the beds"

"The two minutes silence in Tesco was so well-observed you could hear a pin drop. Then my poppy fell off too."

"I, for one, completely agree with Hitler's plan... ...to kill himself. ____________________________________ Besides, if it wasn't for Hitler, who else would we compare our enemies to?"

"Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!"

"You could call a woman beautiful 100 times and she'll never remember it. But call her ugly once and she'll never forget it. You know why? Because an elephant never forgets."