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Joke of the Day

"What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants? ""Arrg, it's driving me nuts!"""

"A guy goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide The librarian looks at him and says, ""Fuck off, you won't return it!"""

"My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating... Apparently jealous was not the right answer."

"Gone are the days when I could just jump in the pool fully clothed without thinking twice. Thanks a lot, Steve Jobs."

"What's the difference between cancer and a black guy? Cancer can get jobs"

"[ 3 AM ] Friend: I got a flat and I'm stranded Me: Do you have snacks in your car? Friend: No Me: *Hangs up"

"I wished I loved anything as much as my wife loves inspecting the pots and pans I wash by hand."

"Seven billion other people in the world and not one of them are naked in front of me right now. That just isn't right"

"In America they have stand up comedy... In the Balkans we have Sit Down Tragedy."

"While driving, I hit a car driven by a little person. He ran up to me and said ""Hey asshole! I'm not happy!"", to which I replied.... ....""So which one *are* you then? """