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Joke of the Day
"My penis is referred to by the female market as... The sperm whale"
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"""I never weigh myself"" -People who weigh themselves daily"
"What do a marriage and superglue have in common? They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol."
"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."
"I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we're all gonna die in 2012"
"I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window."
"What idiot called it an auction instead of serious bidness?"
"What's it called when a pig kills itself? Soooey!-cide"
"I bought my wife some gloves and a sex toy for her birthday if she doesn't like the gloves she can go f*ck herself"
"Came home to find my girlfriend packing her stuff... I asked her what she was doing, she says ""I'm leaving you, you sick peadophile!"" ""Peadophile! That's a big word for an 8 year old!"""