195503

Joke of the Day

"I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window."

"I've got an L-shaped bed. Lowercase."

"What do you do if you break your arm in two places? Don't go back to those two places."

"What is the smartest fruit? It's the orange, BOY CAN IT CONCENTRATE!"

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."

"""International Women's Day......Cause it's not like you want attention on any other day..."""

"How do you make a cat bark? Soak it in lighter fluid, throw a match on it. Woof!"

"I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him."

"I don't know much about fashion. I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22."

"I'm playing chess against my gardener. Your move, Jesus."