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Joke of the Day

"I used to have a job eating vegetables I hated it, but the celery was good"

"I called in to work and asked my boss what the difference between work and his daughter was. I'm not coming into work this morning."

"How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be silly, feminist can't change anything."

"I walked in on my girlfriend cheating. I don't know what I ever saw in her... ..well, except for another dude's penis."

"Whenever someone asks, ""you look familiar, where do I know you from?"" I like to respond with, ""Well do you watch porn...?"""

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"A pakistani cabbie called me a racist I didn't say a word and left the cab. Because you don't negotiate with terrorists"

"What beverage should you give someone who is publicly intoxicated? penal tea edit: to someone"

"My dentist recommended I sleep with a mouth guard, but I'm skeptical insurance even covers who I sleep with."

"A mugged turtle.. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""