35345

Joke of the Day

"I walked in on my girlfriend cheating. I don't know what I ever saw in her... ..well, except for another dude's penis."

"I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work."

"Who the hell does that in a sock?!? *squishes out of the room*"

"Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread."

"I want to create a Facebook event called ""Shut The Hell Up"" and invite everybody."

"Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence."

"Person says: ""It's hard to raise a family"" Necromancer says: ""Not if their graves are next to each other"""

"I don't think I could be a mom. Listening to another person cry all night just seems awful & I wouldn't want to impose that on a baby."

"My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I'm working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything."

"Holy shit, FREE BANANAS at Walmart if you walk around eating them while you shop!"