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Joke of the Day

"Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as ""not Bruce Willis"" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling"

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"War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I'm busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord."
"I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows."
"When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler."
"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can't take a joke."
"Waitress dad jokes When waitress comes to the table ask if she takes orders ,""to go""? If she says yes respond with, ""Great! Get your purse we're leaving."""
"The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes."
"I don't think I could ever do a threesome. I can't even satisfy one girl, let alone a girl and a guy."
"How does a mathematician cure constipation? How does a mathematician cure her constipation? She works it out with a pencil."
"My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice."
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