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Joke of the Day

"I don't think I could ever do a threesome. I can't even satisfy one girl, let alone a girl and a guy."

"What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka? A sorority."

"College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school."

"I've decided to always wear a Seahawks jersey to exams when I forget to study for them. That way I'll pass when I shouldn't."

"What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium -old but good"

"I like musical dramas. They really strike a chord with me."

"I got a job as a triangle player in a reggae band... I just stand at the back and ting."

"I just borrowed $10,000 from my mom to place a bet at a casino here in Vegas. Tiger Woods better win the Super Bowl this year."

"Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!"

"I wanted to make sure my kids were safe when they are playing outside.... So I put an ISIS flag in my window. Now my neighbors watch them 24/7."