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Joke of the Day

"Martin Luther King Jr, Gahndi, and JFK walk together into a bar. ""Don't worry,"" they say to the other angels as they dusted themselves off ""the bullets hurt much more."""

"Why, yes, I am dressed for the weather.I am wearing a house."

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"Me: kids, your mother & I are in a gang now. There's room for 2 more members Son: but there's 3 of us Me [petting both our dogs]: 3 what?"

"If I had a nickel... If I had a nickel for every economics test I passed, I'd have 7 cents."

"Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet? Happ-e Sleep-e Grump-e Dope-e and Sneez-e."

"So I gave a Friar a joint.... He's a High Priest now..."

"18 goes into 40 more than 40 goes into 18 ( ~ )"

"45 min phone call w/8yo nephew: Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula..."

"I was leaving the golf course yesterday... when I ran into a guy whose face was all scratched up. I was like ""holy shit man your face is all bloody, are you ok?"" ""Yeah, but I just blew an eagle on 18"