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Joke of the Day

"I'm eating for two That's why I look like I'm pregnant"

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"So apparently airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane."
"What do you call a drug dealers phone book? -An addictionary."
"One time, a cow saved my life It was bovine intervention."
"Minimum Wage, Maximum Rage: The life of a Twitter opinion haver"
"Toy Story (1995): A young boy's toy chest becomes possessed by haunted dolls, forcing the family to move away. But the dolls find him."
"What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day."
"Why didn't 2x befriend x^2 ? He had trouble integrating"
"The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth"
"Why is Uncle Sam's penis Blue and White? You supply the red."