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Joke of the Day

"*sits son down for the talk* You ready? ""Yeah"" Ok. When a man and a woman love each other- *pulls out Pokeball* -they throw this at a baby"

"Walking dead spoiler alert. There are zombies and they like to try & eat people but the people are like ""nuh uh zombie, we don't want that"""

"Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the area it will cover after the explosion."

"As a fat guy I never really have more pep in my step... But I do occasionally get a little more throttle in my waddle."

"I accidentally said something that lead a girlfriend to believe I'm a lesbian... Must have been a slip of the tongue"

"How many cannibals does it take to make a sandwich? Two."

"How to describe Mitt Romney in two sentences. I stand by what I said, whatever it is that I said. I deny saying that, whatever it is that I said."

"How do you know if a fortune-teller is shit? You knock on her door and she shouts ""Who is it?""."

"Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up"

"What sound does a gay magician make when it disappears? Poof"