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Joke of the Day

"Nu Finish makes a Scratch Doctor to get unwanted scratches out of your car... They should make a Biatch Doctor!"

"A drunk was seen by a cop thrusting his hips every couple of steps as he staggered down the road. Cop catches up to him and asks him what he was doing? Drunk says...... Fucking nothing."

"When someone says something is great, I take that as a personal challenge to not enjoy it."

"Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay! You have my word!"

"Do you know the difference between pink and purple? Your grip."

"There should be a branch of the government that just helps people who get stood up."

"*at a pizza buffet in the Midwest* Me: excuse me, can you please make a vegetarian pizza? Him: Sure! What kind of meat do you want on that?"

"What did the Banana say to the Vibrator ""I don't know why you're shaking, she's going to eat me!"""

"Thanks to a hangover, I was the douche wearing sunglasses inside the airport today."

"Who is the funniest tennis player? Djokovic"