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Joke of the Day

"Shitting myself about this Ebola situation... Which is worrying, because that's one of the symptoms."

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"I like that in The Little Mermaid, Ariel & King Triton wouldn't violate a contractual obligation, but they murdered Ursula with a ship."
"COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* ""Sorry this isn't my car."""
"What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts? Your ghostliness."
"What did one dead American cop say to the other dead American cop? Waaazzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppp."
"The thing about blind prostitutes... You gotta hand it to em'"
"i once had a beautiful wife, she was always the prettiest when she was asleep. Unfortunately she died after i gave her too many sleeping pills."
"What do you call a parent an a transsexual A transparent"
"GPS: leftleft againtake another leftur gonna want to take this leftstay left NASCAR DRIVER: why is there a gps in here"
"What's Mozart doing? decomposing."
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